How I know I’m old: I think I might miss the WordPress of yore.
Really what it is is that if I stop typing, then all kinds of things start popping up on the screen. The ghostly boxes surrounding the paragraph I’m typing in (sorry, Blocks), the ubiquitous burger icons accompanied by move arrows and magnifying lenses for zooming, and last but not least, the plus and minus and arrow boxes for resizing the row–the row. I don’t think the row is something I’d even be investigating and wanting to resize until after I’m done writing, but what do I know? Part of my brain is still operating on Tripod and Geocities consoles and feeling curmudgeonly about fonts being so huge these days, rather than size 8 Verdana. And by the time I’m done
complaining and cataloging everything for this silly first post, I’m wondering why on earth I’m not catching up on season 2 of Hot Priest Fleabag instead?
What I’m really wondering is how I’m setting the tone for future posts. I’ve already written a bio page that I’m pretty sure belongs on a locked Livejournal more than a quasi-professional website with my full name on it, but I have time before I actually attach my name to this site, before things start feeling a bit attached to my real life self, as though my real life self is a precious serious, professional commodity, only worth attaching to the most serious and professional of endeavors. And maybe I’ll be in a mood tomorrow more conducive to writing a quasi-professional bio to present myself as such.
(I expect, though, because it’s 2am already, that “tomorrow” will be the same as today, in that I’ll be busy with the twins all day and be as exhausted and random as ever by the time they go to bed. And these WordPress boxes will be pressuring me to keep writing as they are today. And I’ll slip into a very Tumblr-inflected eat the rich tone when contemplating myself as package-able commodity, because it feels distancing and cold, when most of the time I use the internet for the exact opposite–community. Connection.)
What I can do right now is admit that I definitely don’t feel professional all the time, and that my operating memory is bad enough that on first principles, I try to operate in the same basic valence shell of honesty and candor just to simplify things, plus or minus the caffeinated bounciness of a few cups of coffee. So what you’ll see here in the future might be more of the same–random pop culture references, an occasional joke, reflections on the diaspora experience while running on not enough sleep. The usual.
Anything to get away from these stupid WordPress block boxes.
Well, I did say quasi, didn’t I?